Comfort in the Quiet

It takes my breath away when the universe puts us exactly where we belong. In a million years, I would not have picked this 5 star pish posh resort for my last few days in Bali, yet here I am EXACTLY where I need to be. The long driveway should have been my first clue. There's no hub bub. As you enter the lobby you can hear a pin drop. Where are the cool surfers? Why isn't anybody wearing yoga pants? What have I done to myself? Having spent a month at Soulshine I got quite used to hearing other conversations, the sounds of people above and below me and the constant reminders of both close quarters and constant conection. There weren't doors to close people off. We practiced outside, then we ate outside and I even brushed my teeth outside every morning to the sound of whatever creatures were waking with me. That is where my soul lives. There was always someone around or something I needed to be doing. My job was to assist and I did. So there I sat, after a quiet mid day (table for one) lunch staring out at the ocean and sipping iced tea for the 1st time. My 2:00 spa treatment awaited and I strolled in that direction for a frangipani body scrub + hot shell massage. The staff here speaks softly and they tend to your needs before you even know you have them, ergo the 5 stars. I see honeymooners and people "of means" all around. It is the antithesis of my living situation in Ubud. Soulshine had edge. It was a total cultural immersion. There were yogis everywhere. I felt like I was staying at someone's house. The staff became like family. They knew each of us by name. There was laughter, and music and a free flow hum of activity. After my massage this afternoon, I came back to my villa and reached for my sneakers to head into town to explore. It's 5 p.m. and even though it'll be dark soon, I was going to preview the town. Can you say auto-pilot? I sat on the bed to put on my running shoes and it hit me. I laid down. It wasn't fatigue washing over me, it was a freakin' tidal wave. I knew, I needed to sit and rest. My body was demanding "empty time" and I was listening. I remembered I had my laptop with me. I plugged in some music, closed my door, and started to type. Almost immediately, it was too loud, then it wasn't right, and then I got up to switch it again. As I stood up, I realized I didn't want music at all. The silence that was so deafening just a few short hours ago now felt soothing. As I lay on the massage table earlier, a flood of ideas for my 2 year and 5 year future poured through me. It was like a river flowing. I couldn't stop them if I wanted to and I didn't. It felt like I was dreaming. Our goal setting excursion to the beach was processing. Seeds that I planted were beginning to grow. I'm amazed that I have found such comfort in the quiet so quickly. I am surprised that I have adapted to my new surroundings with incredible ease. Today is my day to decompress, to switch gears, to percolate and to ponder. So that is exactly what I will do. My agenda has taken an unexpected turn. I may take a walk down to the ocean to put my feet in and perhaps I will not. The room service that sounded so isolating earlier, suddenly sounds divine. My big Saturday night in Seminyak. I think I'll soak in a candlelight bath and tuck myself in for the night. And tomorrow's a new day. I feel peaceful and that is somewhat stunning to me. When I arrived I called Dylan. His West Coast time change is finally a perk. I told him how awfully quiet it was here (emphasis on awful). The sound of the birds is the only noise I notice. I have my own villa and I'm not sharing a sink with Rachel or Ali anymore. I knew I would have to work at enjoying my time here but I also knew it was likely what I needed. The most surprising thing to me is that it wasn't work at all. Somewhere between lumpmeat crab salad and the 15 minutes of scalp massage, it all came together for me. I am so incredibly grateful to have had this month to check out of my every day life in order to really check in. I appreciate every single detail that had to be handled to allow me this privilege. I'm thrilled that I got my first passport step in such a big way and 100% certain it is the first of many. I will carry this blissful adventure in Bali with me forever. I watched 7 amazing yoga students unfold their wings. I guess I didn't realize that when I wasn't looking, mine unfolded too.