Still Blooming

Originally published 4/21/2010 -Blooming again

I have two large terracotta flower pots on either side of my front door. I always have. I love walking up the brick path to our front door and seeing color and life. It makes me feel happy to be home. Keeping fresh flowers alive on a shady porch involves a fair amount of maintenance but the pros so far outweigh the cons, and I'll take it. There are certain things in life you have to feel. For me, it's flowers and candles. Whenever I have a girlie-get-together or special occasion, you'll find me on the front porch with my gloves on, preparing the flower pots. I always have to have beautiful flowers at the front door of my house. It's in the cottage by-laws. Several times during Sue Sue's last two months, I tried to make myself replant those pots.

It's a big job and one I can easily talk myself out of without much help. I have to go pick out the flowers, pack them in the car, hope they don't tip over, carry them to the porch and then agonize over where each one should go and what colors should be next to each other. Yes I'm a bit compulsive, I know. I want perfection and nothing less. (I'm working on that too.) Each and every time I tried to put myself in the car and go, it never felt quite right. How could I be planting new life when Sue Sue was wilting? It felt wrong. I decided to wallow in the dying flowers and to let it be a symbol of what was going on in our lives. They were dry and brown and that's exactly how I felt. I stopped watering them and just gave up. I almost celebrated their misery as it was a true reflection of mine.

Today when I walked into my house after lunch, I noticed that my flowers are coming back to life. There are 2 bunches of bright pink flowers which weren't there before. The plants in the pot are still more dead than alive, but they are making a comeback. This made me smile as they have been a symbol to me of my life's circumstances. I've decided I will start to water them again. I will pull out the weeds that no longer serve a purpose to make room for the ones that are trying so hard to bloom. Because, they ARE coming back. I like to think I am too.

I feel happiness in my life again and on a beautiful day like today, I am hopeful that I too am starting to bloom again. The ache in my heart dulls with time, but it remains. No matter, it may always be there, and I will honor it as I do my beautiful flowers. Nurture, water and watch nature bring things back to life- that's the plan.