Sending Rainbows from Bali
They say,"When the going gets tough, the tough get going". My definition of "going" is either yoga, baking or writing. If I was at home, I'd be in the kitchen making my vegan chocolate chip cookies. I haven't done the morning practice this week due to reinjuring my rib surfing so I've been listening to my body and doing my yoga off the mat with a walk or some quiet time. So I find myself here seated in front of the laptop I asked Dylan to order so I could write when I "needed" to. Putting my heart on paper is my great catharsis. As ridiculous as it may sound, I am struggling this morning, being at peace with my current location, while my family scrambles to seek shelter from the pending storm. Last night Dylan and I spoke at length. We were both finding it extremely challenging to be so far away from home with no real way to participate in the prep or the keeping of safe. We listened to each other and it felt good but it amplified my own concerns when he shared them. When I hung up, I felt pretty rattled. I now realize I was putting all of my energy into "awfullizing, v." I was telling myself a story about all of the things that could go terribly wrong, and while that is a painful reality, thinking that way doesn't help me to be of service to anyone. Alan has been an absolute rock. He and my neighbor Gary shuttered up Tuesday before anyone else in the neighborhood did. It was his only day away from the hospital because he was post call. So after working all night, he began the brutal task of battening down the hatches. Worst case scenario, she turns and he did some heavy lifting for nothing. I know easy for me to say from Bali, right? He is also sick so that makes it even harder not to be there to give him TLC. Last night, I was uneasy. I kept imagining Alan during the storm, alone in the house in the "tomb of darkness" that comes with hurricane shutters. I remember Hurricane Andrew in Miami and it was sheer terror. The wind sounded like a freight train and we moved from room to room hoping the house wouldn't blow apart. This morning I woke to a wave of emotion. I let myself have a few tears and now I am focusing my attention on all that could go right. Best case is that this bitch Irma, moves elsewhere or just slows her roll. I'm picturing my sweet cottage and my furry babies, Cupcake and Buttercup, all snuggled up with Alan watching TV in bed. I'm visualizing the power on and neighbors pitching in to take care of each other. These times bring out some people's worst, but I have seen the absolute best of humanity in the prep and aftermath of hurricanes during my tenure in South Florida. We talked about santosha in our evening discussion a few nights ago. Santosha is the Sanskrit word for acceptance and contentment. I talked about being a silver lining girl. So now the universe is putting my feet to the fire. I want to thank my friends and neighbors who have checked in on Alan, helped him prepare, taken him out to dinner, texted him, sent me messages and pulled together to fill the void that is me. I am usually the glue in these situations and clearly I am unable to hold things together on this one. I find it uncanny that the one time in my life I leave the country, this gigantic storm decides to hit Florida. Mother Nature has a wicked sense of humor. If I have taken one thing from this teacher training so far, it's the message of letting go. Letting go of the need to be perfect and of needing to control the outcome of certain situations is my quiet journey. I can either go completely off the rails and become a train wreck riding out this storm from afar, or I can offer my total heart and soul from Bali. I can send clear skies an the beautiful sunshine I wake up to every morning and some calm amidst the chaos. This is clearly an invitation for me to surrender. Isvara pranidhana is the awareness of the divinity around us and within us. It is about surrender, letting go and devotion. I guess that is my work right now. After spending some "empty time" this morning, quieting the chatter in my mind, it is clear to me that my wisest course of action is to find the blessings that come from people pulling together in what could potentially be a life or death situation. I am going to stay the course and be the calm and steady my friends and family may need to navigate this time. I will be their true North from the other side of the world. Perhaps my surroundings will be the perfect oasis from the frenzy and chaos and allow me to offer perspective. A wise friend of mine just texted me and said,"Nothing you can do, enjoy your time. You weren't meant to be here. It will all be ok." Big hot tears pouring down my face because that is the ultimate truth. Thank you Brad for always seeing for me when my vision gets cloudy. I wish you all safe and easy travels if you are seeking refuge and to those who are staying, hunker down. Think it through and have a network in place before, during and after. If there was ever a time to share one of my favorite quotes it's now, "It takes a village." Reach out to the people you care about and send some good vibes. People dip in and out of feeling okay in these times. Make your difference in whatever way you can. And be kind to one another. I am sending love and light across the globe and just know that while I'm not there, I am here.